NO OFFENSE

I find it distasteful that some women still ‘think’ that by marrying a rich husband, all their problems are solved & that it guarantees them ‘a future’. With this post, hopefully I will straighten your perspective.

Back then, a few of my relatives used to tell me, “Jadi cewe itu jangan pinter-pinter amat dong, nanti cowo jadi takut sama kamu kalo kamu terlalu intimidate mereka. mending cari suami yang kaya aja, biar kamu gausah cape.”
This is wrong, absolutely wrong!! We don’t live in that era anymore!!

If you happen to get the same barbaric advice, I strongly suggest you don’t follow it.

Sebagai wanita, anda harus sadar bahwa anda harus memiliki pengetahuan. Anda adalah guru pertama anak anda nanti. If you educate yourself well, I believe you will be knowledgeable enough to guide your children, your family, gain a career, financial security, and recognition, you can also assist your husband financially instead of always asking him for money & for him to do things for you.

If you stick with this, “gamau cape dan mau cari suami kaya aja, ntar tangan gue kasar dan telapak kaki kemudian kaku dan bisa pecah-pecah”. Principle, and your husband is not a billionare, don’t expect to ‘just sit back and relax dan gamau cape’. If you want a good life for your husband and your children, surely you will have to contribute.

Punya rumah tangga itu gak sembarangan, gak murah dan gak gampang. Saya bicara seperti ini karena pengalaman sebelumnya, teman-teman saya yang sudah menikah dan orang tua saya tercerai berai. Hal itu tidak mengurangi kualitas saya sebagai Wanita juga. Juga bapak saya dan saya sendiri memiliki bisnis dekorasi pernikahan jadi saya tahu harga bunga segar itu ngga murah apalagi sebuah karya seni untuk selebrasi ‘Raja & Ratu Sehari’. Lagi pula jaman sekarang punya binatang peliharaan aja mahal and requires a lot of work.

Dan, kalau cerai gimana? Mau ngemis di depan suami? Hellooooo, harga diri sissssst. Be independent, kamu akan lebih dihargai oleh society dan oleh cowo. Jika kamu pintar dan berpendidikan, ‘Thus, you won’t be dependent on men that much, you won’t need them that much’. Kalau seandainya cowo kurang ajar sama kamu, you don’t have to settle for it because you’re afraid of not being able to stand alone and pay your bills. No worries! If you are independent, you can leave right away if men treat you inappropriately… You have your value!

Women can and should work hard, for themselves, for their own good, for their family too. Anda harus punya defense sendiri, ikut serta dalam memberi bantuan entah itu financially atau secara ilmu kepada keluarga anda. Sebagai wanita jangan cuma mau yang gampang nya aja. If you can do more, then work hard and don’t limit yourself.

I’ve been identified as a girl who is: ‘too intimidating’, ‘too independent’, ‘too smart’, ‘too aggresive’. Way too many times by way too many men and woman yang belom kenal banget sama gue, too many times saya mendengar ini dan hal ini sangatlah menggelitik di telinga saya. Sometimes I even think they’re afraid of me, I start to wonder if there’s something wrong with my brain and about my personality. Sometimes I think, “kenapa ya gue ga bisa kayak cewek lain aja, yang rada lemot dikit, yang ga suka berdebat, yang gak tegas, yang sok-sokan tegar padahal banyak ngeluh di belakang?”

It even crossed my mind that I should start changing myself and all the man will respect me more. Agar cowo ga kehilangan martabatnya when they’re around me. And let me tell you, that thought was my biggest mistake.

You don’t have to change or dont lower yourself.

Ada sebuah sajak yg pernah saya baca:

“The truth is.. Sometimes, you’ll just be too much of something. Too smart. Too strong. Too kind. Too beautiful. Too much of something that makes a man feel less like a man but this does not mean that you have to be less of a woman. Now pretend these traits that you have are jewels on your crown, and it is too heavy. Because it is just ‘too much’, and you start thinking that you want to remove your jewels so it will be easier for the man to carry.”

I beg you ya sist, please don’t remove your jewels. You don’t need a smaller or less heavier crown. What you should expect is a man with a will who’s strong enough to carry your heavy crown. A man who respects you, your crown along with its jewels, and supports you. But if you haven’t found a man who’s strong enough to do this, you have to be good enough to stand on your own and not be dependent on men. Uphold your values, don’t remove your jewels for men, and DO NOT settle for less.

You deserve to be more than what people stereotype women as, you deserve ambitions, knowledge, degrees. And if you do need a man, find one who will support those in a positive way. NOTED!

Don’t choose men who think, “Women should stay in the kitchen where they belong, jangan pinter-pinter ya jadi cewe, nanti susah diatur, terlalu mandiri, nanti gue kehilangan martabat gue sebagai cowo, gue malu kalo cewe gue lebih pinter/lebih ambisius/lebih mandiri”. Ada yang seperti itu? Itu cowo gila yang ga perlu di pertahanin. Sorry to say, ga semua perempuan independent itu SUSAH DIATUR.

Ada kalanya sebagai cewe harus punya value sendiri, sehingga bisa bagaimana caranya berdiri di kaki sendiri dan jangan hanya mengandalkan bantuan cowo. Instead, you should be the best woman you can be. I hope that you and your guy should both understand, support, and complete each other.

Felicia Malone x Pamela Ingrida × Rest of The World

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