Escalated Way Too Quickly

i need to understand that i haven’t fully experienced love with anyone, because i haven’t loved myself enough yet. this has been the hardest part of my life, the newest chapter of my life being unfolded onto my world. this was never just about sex, although i do understand why that is important too.

i can’t truly find words to explain love, though i will never give up trying to find the right ones. sometimes i feel like you did it on purpose, so i could leave you alone and not care for you so much because it suffocated you. that’s where my mind ends up going when i think of all this.

i realize that’s why God brought me to you so i could learn to fall in love with someone so imperfectly-perfect and realize what it’s like to experience loving someone a little more than yourself. if i can do that with you, i should be able to fall in love with my own imperfections and all the flaws that i hate.

i know i’m young but i felt love with you, and that is one thing that I am certain of in this reckless world of abandonment. i know you wanted to fall in love, Iike now you still do. that you don’t search for someone without falling in love, because i’m the same way.

i think we just went too fast, way too fast for you and for myself. we both had no idea what we were doing and by the time we realized it, it had gotten too deep for you and i had fallen without you. i could not fix you, i know now. that relaxes me.

you are always here though in songs, in music, in the beats of my heart.. even if i want you out so badly. i never knew why i was setting myself on fire, it just felt natural. i just wanted to get through to you, so i could fix you and you could fix me. that was very naïve of me.



hug and virtual kisses,

Pamela Ingrida


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